Ashes

I always used to laugh at doctors who wore their scrubs out of the hospital. How hard could it be to change? And isn’t that the whole idea, anyway, to keep the dirty scrubs at the hospital?

It wasn’t very long into surgical residency that I realized that, on occasion, there was indeed a time for wearing scrubs out and about. Not often, mind you, but sometimes it was just the reality of my exhausted existence.

But I hate to wear scrubs to church. I love church, and I take it seriously, and so I like to dress in a way that not only outwardly reflects that seriousness but also causes within me a certain focused nature.

And so I wasn’t too thrilled when yesterday – Ash Wednesday – I didn’t have time to change before the noon service. I arrived just in time wearing my hospital blues and sat in the back. But oddly enough I smiled, because immediately two scenes jumped into my mind, both from intern year. The first was at a small Catholic hospital where I was working. I had a difficult week – so difficult that I began to seriously question if I was on the right path – and so I sought out the chapel. I remember falling to my knees in a little pew and praying vigorously. I had my scrubs and white coat on, and somehow during those prayers I felt…comfortable. At peace. And I knew I was going to be OK. And the second…at a small inner city hospital (where I am currently working), receiving my ashes on Ash Wednesday. A local priest was in the main lobby, bestowing ashes on anyone who asked. And so I went to him, scrubs and white coat, and closing my eyes and tilting my head backwards received the ashes. And again I felt comfortable – at peace. This is who I had become; this is who I would be.

The sermon offered at church yesterday – preached by our brilliant associate rector – was all about God interjecting himself into our lives. Life doesn’t stop and let God in – God enters when He chooses. And to have the ashes once again placed on my forehead while I was in my scrubs somehow made me realize how our love for God needs to becomes manifest in our daily works, not just our weekly worship.

Oh man, remember that thou are but dust, and to dust thou shall return.