On the Brink

Las Vegas is quite the place. A bit overwhelming, to say the least – it’s the place where you see quiet couples clutching each other’s hands to make sure neither gets lost in the crowds and chaos.

It’s definitely a town of consumption. Food, drink, sex, gambling…you know the list as well as I. And it’s all there for the taking. Of course, with some of us, the concept of taking doesn’t set very well. You shouldn’t take what’s not yours – we teach that lesson in preschool because it’s that’s important.

For the last couple of hours of my time there, I found a quiet ledge overlooking the fountains at the Bellagio resort. These are big, spectacular ones from all the movies – I loved them. In the dead center of Sin City, I found myself alone, and in quietness. I wore sunglasses so nobody could see my eyes. One year ago I spent time overlooking a very different body of water, under very different circumstances. I was not alone then.

A few days earlier I had actually been doing pretty well. I was laughing, making sarcastic comments, energetically going about my work – maybe it was the right combination of sleep, breakfast, and company. Who knows. But I actually caught myself – you’re not supposed to be this happy, I said. Stop it. Remember? And looking at the fountains I found myself angrily saying – you’re not supposed to be this sad. You’re in Vegas! Remember? I get to the brink of happiness and I bring myself down. I get to the brink of throwing myself into that water and I somehow pull myself up. Up and down I go until I’m exhausted.

Right on cue the fountains came alive and started dancing. “Time to Say Goodbye” echoed over Vegas, and the fountains put on a show that nearly put tears to my eyes – yet another good reason for the sunglasses. Of course, the song isn’t a gentle, inspiring bit of empowerment that we might think it to be. It’s more a testimony that the world forever changes once you find love. Indeed. And once that love is lost – or taken – the world changes again. Thanks for the reminder.

I am glad to be out of Vegas. There's only so many ups and downs I can handle.